Dating Guide for Straight Men, Part 1

I think it's about time we women opened the vault of secrets and gave men the key to dating success. I don't want to hear any more of "why don't women like nice guys?" I'm tired of trying to figure out if my date simply has no social skills, is nervous, or if he's simply a jerk. I don't want to offend by offering to pay my share of dinner, and I don't want to offend by failing to offer. We need rules, people! Not to restrict our freedom, but to set some social mores down so we can interpret situations better.

So this is the beginning of my Dating Guide for Straight Men (hereafter "DGSM"). I'm going to break it down from a woman's (at least, this woman's) point of view. I think that will be more helpful to men than if I wrote a dating guide for women, because I'm no expert on what guys want.

Let's start at the beginning: asking her out. No, let's take a step back even further and start before the beginning (yes, this is possible, according to kabbalah expert Daniel Matt's Rosh HaShanah sermon this year at Chochmat HaLev). The Big Question before the beginning of dating is whether nice guys finish last. We have to get this out of the way so you can determine what kind of human being you intend to be and how you will treat people you encounter once you start dating. Some guys have decided that if they want to succeed, they can't be nice. Not true.

For most women, the ideal guy is one that treats her with respect and kindness and makes her feel gorgeous and desired. There are different ways to do this, and each person has different things that rock their boat, but ultimately, people with healthy self-esteem want to be treated well. People that are attracted to abuse generally have some issues they need to address within themselves. It may be that they were abused in the past, it may be that they don't think they are worth better treatment, it may be that they think they can "fix" the situation or help the abuser, or it may be something else. But it's not healthy. Period.

A lot of women are attracted to a man who is strong. Many women are attracted to confident men for this reason: they seem self-sufficient and strong. So if there is a nice guy who is strong, he is definitely going to attract more women than a nice ugy who is passive or weak, or any kind of asshat. It's important to make that distinction between "passive" and "nice." Passive does not equal nice. It's wimpiness trying to disguise itself as nice. Passivity is not attractive to most women.

I hope this is clear: nice, strong, confident guys finish first. It's passive guys who finish last.

Next time, Strong Suggestion #1.