Spreading coolness across the land

There are three best things about Los Angeles. One is the sunny weather. Another is the rollerblading/biking/rollerskating path that winds along the beach from south of Venice to Santa Monica. The other best thing is NPR affiliate kcrw's music programming. Every morning I am sitting at my desk, I am grateful that I can stream Morning Becomes Eclectic and start my day off right.

It's the best morning show I have ever heard in my life, and by best I mean no insipid prank calls, no inane "controversial" talk, just a good host who plays amazingly good music. You will be introduced to aural coolness far beyond what you ever imagined.

A poem by Hafiz

I have learned so much from God
That I can no longer call myself
a Christian, a Hindu, a Muslim, a Buddhist, a Jew.
The Truth has shared so much of Itself with me
That I can no longer call myself
a man, a woman, an angel, or even a pure soul.
Love has befriended Hafiz.
It has turned to ash and freed me
Of every concept and image my mind has ever known.

~ Hafiz, a Persian poet who lived from 1320 C.E. to 1389 C.E.

I guess everything's all right, then

"The place where you are right now, G-d circled on a map for you."

~ Hafiz

Peace Activism

Someone asked me recently to explain my interest in joining a Jewish/Muslim dialogue group. I am a Persian (Iranian) Jew who grew up in the halcyonic days of "Free to Be You and Me" diversity. As a child, my melting pot group of friends and I shared our cultures and traditions with each other without any judgment. As an adult, things got more complicated. In college, I befriended a black Muslim man who, for some reason, felt a sense of solidarity with me as a Middle Eastern person. When I mentioned I was Jewish, he suddenly turned cold and the budding friendship ended abruptly at that point. As a Persian with a name that does not give a clue as to my religious background, I have been exposed to anti-Semitic remarks by Muslim Persians who assumed that all present would agree with them. As a first generation American with a completely different experience of being a religious and ethnic minority than my family had in Iran, I have argued with certain members of my family in support of my liberal positions on many issues.

Sometimes, it gets tiring. There was a time that I could not let an offensive remark go by without a debate. I studied the history of the modern Middle East. I bought books on Islam. I studied Jewish ethics. I shared knowledge, argued, changed a few minds, and many times, felt dejected by how attached people can be to their prejudices. Then I got to a point where I had to give myself a break. I believe in Tikkun Olam (the Jewish concept that each of us has an individual role in "healing" the world) and at that time, there were some things going on in my life that I had to focus my energies on for a while. I excused myself from the table of debate for a while (that's not to say I didn't get into lively discussions at times) and dealt with some personal things.

Now those personal matters have been dealt with, and after this past summer, I have realized again, how for me, the Middle East conflict *is* personal. I am ready to focus more on it again and expand my knowledge. But I want this to happen in a positive way, in a setting where mutual respect and tolerance set the tone for greater understanding.

Many years ago, I met with a Jewish-Palestinian Dialogue group and found it challenging, as well as both inspiring and disappointing. The area where I live is beautiful and predominantly liberal, so there is a strong pro-peace movement here as well as a lot of anti-Zionist sentiment. I experienced this blend of political orientation in the dialogue group, as well, both from the Jews and Palestinians. I don't believe that peace and Zionism (which is simply the idea that Jews, like all other peoples, need to have a homeland) are mutually exclusive, and in fact believe that peace is the only way for both the Israelis and the Palestinians to have any quality of life. I continued participating in the dialogue group until I moved from the area, because I felt that I was learning a lot and the more I felt challenged by opposing viewpoints, the more opportunity that gave me to examine my own point of view and assumptions.

This past summer I experienced more anti-Semitism in a few months due to the war in Lebanon than I have in a lifetime. My friends and I have talked about how alienated we felt as Jews at a recent pro-peace festival, where a speaker cracked a joke comparing Israel to the Nazis. Honestly, I find that some people who call themselves peace activists are actually activists for one side, not necessarily for peace. I have a certification in mediation and I feel very strongly that whatever our personal backgrounds, if we really want peace, we have to understand and respect the humanity and pain of both sides of this conflict.

Campaign for Beauty

Dove's new ad campaign is a refreshing break from the usual high-pressure ads aimed at women. I know it's still advertising, and I know after this campaign, they may go back to conventional ads, but in the meantime, I really want to support this attempt at something new. It's so much more positive than the usual attempts to make women feel inadequate.

And I think everyone should watch the mini film on the Dove website showing how our perception of beauty is distorted.

5 Simple Pleasures

I have this thing I do sometimes when I feel overwhelmed by how complicated and challenging life can be, or underwhelmed by the mundanity of everyday life. I try to pay attention and pay gratitude to the little pleasures in life. I don't remember exactly how I got the idea but I know it was inspired by Andrea Scher, blogging superhero. I make a list of 5 Simple Pleasures I encounted recently and often share this list with friends by email.

Making my list brings my focus to the little things in life I often overlook, and it jumpstarts a process where my friends share their 5 Simple Pleasures as well. Reading other people's lists is illuminating and yet another pleasure. And to my great pleasure, I have just happened upon a blog called Three Beautiful Things, which is pretty much the same idea. So cool!

And by the way, my 5 Simple Pleasures for today:

- The Middle Eastern drumming music in my tribal bellydance class tonight;
- Finally, finally realizing that I could truly enjoy being alone right now;
- Walking past my favorite subway singer after work, whose mahogany voice fills the underground tunnel and reverbates in my skull long after I catch my train;
- Being thanked profusely by a client for the work I've done; and
- Even though I struggled, I was able to keep up in my dance class!

Make the Most

Make the Most - Brett Dennen

"And in the morning when I rise
one question that feels like the sun in my eyes
am I making the most of this life
so much trouble and so much strife
and in my guilty hour
through all of my shame
when all my love is run sour I have no one else to blame
cause it finds me through the mask I wear and I see it through my eyes closed
but still I cannot bear to stare into my worries and my woes
there’s comfort in self loathing and it’s easy to slip into it
but still I must learn to lead my life with no regrets
time it all moves in the same direction
so don’t let it pass you by
cause it moves so fast there’s no time for perfection

so make the most of this life
make the most of this life
I’ll make the most of this life
make the most of this life

when I fall I fall hard
and I dwell to often in my faults
I must accept it and move on
there’s just no shame in having to crawl
because it finds me through the mask I wear and I see it through my eyes closed
but still I cannot bear to stare into my worries and my woes
there’s comfort in self loathing and it’s easy to slip into it
but still I must learn to lead my life with no regrets
time it all moves in the same direction
so don’t let it pass you by
because it moves so fast there’s no time for perfection

so make the most of this life
oh make the most of this life
I’ll make the most of this life
just make the most of this life

and if you come to me smiling oh I
will see you shining out from within
such a beautiful grin
falling down on me and [cradling?] my skin
wake I and pour I a cup
wake I and pour I a cup
wake I and pour I a cup of life."

[Yes, I am trying to get you to check out Mr. Brett Dennen.]

DGSM Strong Suggestion #1: Approach Her!!!

I don’t know it is an urban phenomenon, or a generational thing, or specific to my locale (San Francisco, and that might be significant, if you are a math person. More on that later), but it seems like men in their late twenties to mid-thirties are becoming wallflowers. Everywhere I go, I see men holding up the wall, staring and staring and not making a move to try to meet women.

Maybe they are gay. Or maybe in a city full of gay men, the percentage of the single male population left over is in disproportionately high demand and therefore they don’t have to do any work! They are like an endangered species that has forgotten how to hunt. Poor birds. But why so helpless?

I mean, if we assume women are nearly 50% of the population, and there are definitely more gay men in SF than gay women, then there are wayyyyyy too many single straight women for each single straight man. This town is a straight man’s paradise! The secret is out! (It is San Francisco, after all. Gay or straight, we are all out). A guy who’s a “6” in any other city is an automatic “8” in San Francisco. If you are a member of a minority group (Jewish, Black, etc.) in which the women tend to want to date members of their own and have a hard time finding suitable ptions, give yourself another point or two on the one-to-ten scale.

Yup, this is a straight man’s paradise. But that doesn’t make it okay to be a cad. And many of us women are not attracted to guys who make us do all the work. So my Strong Suggestion #1 is to Make Your Approach. Wherever you happen to reside, be it the straight man's paradise by the bay or elsewhere, if you see a woman you are interested in, say, “hello.” It doesn’t have to be a huge risk. It’s just a friendly overture. See where it goes. If she’s responsive, let the conversation flow and take it from there. If she's not, what did you really lose with that "hello?"

I think maybe a lot of men don’t make an approach because they are scared of rejection. Well, of course you are, sweetums! But if you learn how to read signals properly, you won’t be rejected as often as you fear. Which leads us to our next installment: Reading Signals. Stay tuned.