One-Upmanship

This is what capitalism is all about.

The Purpose of Life

It was a mega-weekend topped by a mega-wedding. I’m told the guest list totaled 600 people, most of us raucous Persian Jews lookin’ to partay. We don’t mess when it comes to weddings, which are the whole Purpose of Life according to the Persian Jew Handbook (you can check for yourself, it’s referred to as such on pages 1, 2, 3, 5-90, 101-126, 129 and 140).

When a baby is born, people say, “Ishallah beyaim aroosi’sh” which means, “G-d willing, we’ll come to his/her wedding.” This is a very nice blessing to give new Persian parents. If you want to be even nicer, you’ll go on and on about the wonderful qualities of the bride or groom G-d should bless the baby with. You know, ishallah a doctor or a lawyer, someone who loves G-d and Judaism and family. Repeat incessantly as the baby’s diaper is being changed.

When the kid is bar or bat mitzvahed, dance around the parents and wish for a happy wedding. Kiss the newly-pubescent child on both cheeks and tell him or her that you are looking forward to coming to the wedding. Do the same upon high school graduation, college graduation, and in cases where the aforementioned child has failed to snag the ring on the merry-go-round of life, upon graduate school graduation, now raising your open hands to the heavens and appealing to G-d to pleeeease make this wedding happen.

Once the now grown-up child, who is unfortunately but undeniably (tsk, tsk, already 26!!) becoming “torshideh” or pickled (aka a spinster) finally, finally decides to get married, the parents invite everyone they know in the world for the biggest bash they can imagine. If they have to refinance their house, they do it. If they have to sell their liver in China, they do it. They want to share this abundant joy with everyone they ever crossed paths with, because the Purpose of Life is finally being fulfilled! What occasion could be graced with more import and significance?

There is one. Only one. Refer to Persian Jew Handbook pages 1-140. There, you see it? The Birth of the First Born Child. As everyone is preparing for the mega-wedding, as they keep in mind that every task completed for the wedding party is a step towards realizing the Purpose of Life, they are not fully content. Whether this resistance to complete contentment is a Persian characteristic or a Jewish one, when you have Persian Jews, you have double the trouble. As wedding preparations are being made, every decent Persian Jew is saying to each other, to the parents, and most of all, to the beleaguered bride and groom, “Ishallah beyaim b’Brit Millah bachaht” which means “G-d willing, we’ll come to the Bris of your child.”

Now that you are properly schooled in the basics, as outlined in the Persian Jew Handbook, you don’t need me to tell you what they say when this child is finally born.

More Bellydance!

I found this video recording that somebody made of the 2006 Tribal Fest in Sebastapol, Ca. He's obviously an amateur videographer and some of the performances are amateur as well (I have to hand it to anyone brave enough to perform in front of an audience!).

But it is so worth it to watch who I think is Mira Betz (and if I'm correct, it is kind of weird that I can recognize her by her belly and shimmies). Click on the tab that shows how far along the video is and fast-forward to 50:00 minutes.

At 57:42, Rachel Brice, an amazing tribal fusion bellydancer, performs a taqseem, or drum solo. These are some of my favorite dances to watch because the rhythmic interaction between the musician and dancer are highlighted.

And at 1:07 you can see the performance that came with a warning on the Tribal Fest program. I don't know this dancer's name, but she is a performance artist who actually pierced huge metal "wings" all the way down her back. I didn't know if I could bear to watch this after hearing the description of her temporary piercings but once she started to dance, I couldn't look away. She's really quite an amazing dancer.

A Less-Than-3 List (hint: it's on your keyboard)

I've always found comfort in list-making. When I have so much to do I don't know how I will get it done, putting it down on paper at least relieves my mind of the necessity of mentally reciting everything that needs to be done lest I forget something. And the satisfaction of crossing something off is unparalleled.

Sometimes I just like to make lists of things I like. Years before I even got my period, I had a list of names for my future daughter and a list of names for my future son. Trust me, you don't want to know. I was 10 years old so you can imagine the lovely names.

In a moment mixed with creative inspiration and anal-retentiveness, I feel the need to list the bellydancers who I less-than-3 to watch perform. Contrary to the unfortunate (and sometimes true) stereotype of jiggly restaurant dancers taking money in their sequined bras, bellydance is actually a feminist art form that takes a lot of strength and mind-blowing muscle control. It was developed as a dance to honor and support women through pregnancy, with moves designed to build up the muscles used during labor. There are many styles and sub-genres of modern belly dance but as much as I love cabaret, I am partial to tribal fusion.

My Less-Than-3 List:

1. Jill Parker is the founder of Ultra Gypsy and one of the co-founders of American Tribal Style pioneers, fatchancebellydance. She does the most amazing snake arms and has incredible muscle control. Her isolations are incredible, her style is often imitated, and her creativity is unsurpassed.
2. Ansuya blends cabaret and a teeny bit of tribal fusion style bellydance with traditional indian dance moves. Her dance style is beautiful, fluid and mesmerizing.
3. Mira Betz is an incredibly talented dancer with a keen sense of theatrics. She brings a coy playfulness to her dances and even though she refuses to be labelled and I've only seen her dance with tribal style dancers, watching Mira perform reminded me that cabaret ain't so bad, either.
4. Amy Sigil calls her brand of bellydance "hula fusion" and watching her troupe, Unmata, perform leaves you in awe of how fast hips and shoulders can shimmy. Then you go home and look like a fool trying to imitate.

So now you know!

A Poet

A poet is someone who can pour light onto a spoon and raise it to nourish your parched holy mouth.

~Hafiz

Maybe I Need Wieniedar

Sometimes, even when there is no spark, I will give things more of a chance with someone because he seems like a nice guy. I cancelled my last date with a certain puportedly nice guy because I wasn't feeling well. Surprisingly, he didn't say, "Hope you feel better." He didn't call me that day or that week to see how I was feeling. So I felt like if he wasn't interested in my well-being, eh, I really didn't need to pursue things with him.

But prior to all this, he invited me to see David Sedaris live and I had accepted. I called him a couple of days before the show to check in since we hadn't talked since I'd been sick. I also wanted to give him an out, since he had asked me to go as his date, and I didn't want to date him now. So I was going to say I was looking forward to it but if he still intended the evening to be a date, I would understand if he preferred to ask someone else.

So I called and he said he was "very hurt" by my abrupt cancellation a few weeks ago (I told him I was sick!!) and that I should have called him later that evening to see if he was available to get together (But I was still sick!). This man is 43 years old, mind you, but for some reason sat there feeling woefully sorry for himself instead of just calling me himself. (I guess I should have called him a waaaahmbulance). Then he said that he knew we had "tentatively discussed maybe going to David Sedaris together" but since I hurt him so much, he had already invited someone else. (The poor woman! lol).

So I said it was fine, but I did gently call him on his b.s., and point out that we had set plans when he decided to invite another person without informing me that he was cancelling our plans. I said that if he wasn't interested in dating, he should have just said so, not tried to put blame on me. He said I really hurt him by the "abrupt way" I cancelled. He went on and on about how my "abrupt cancellation" hurt his feelings. Then he tried to see if we still had a chance. I had to laugh.

Sometimes it's hard to discern the authentic nice guys from the passive-aggressive wienies.

Spreading coolness across the land

There are three best things about Los Angeles. One is the sunny weather. Another is the rollerblading/biking/rollerskating path that winds along the beach from south of Venice to Santa Monica. The other best thing is NPR affiliate kcrw's music programming. Every morning I am sitting at my desk, I am grateful that I can stream Morning Becomes Eclectic and start my day off right.

It's the best morning show I have ever heard in my life, and by best I mean no insipid prank calls, no inane "controversial" talk, just a good host who plays amazingly good music. You will be introduced to aural coolness far beyond what you ever imagined.